A word from the Ex-Girlfriend

Dear New Girlfriend,
Let me take a moment to acknowledge your email this morning. I appreciate you taking those 45 mins out of your day to compose a nearly illiterate email on a program which I am 100% sure has spell check. It was a day brightener to sift through your double indefinite articles; I understand how difficult it can be to choose when to use the article 'a' or 'an' & how much easier it is to use both when in doubt. It was also amusing and slightly disheartening reading your numerous statements of admitted craziness.

Now, in your defense, I understand (as a girl) how certain situations can prompt spouts of crazy in which you may project insecurities unto others. I also understand, as a girl, how nerve wracking it can be to be in a relationship. I, myself, avoid relationships altogether. This is really the best option for us (girls). People are quick to pin a girl as 'crazy' and outside of a relationship is really where we can best avoid this.

In regards to your concerns/questions within this said email:
1- Geographically speaking, there is approximately zero chance of your current boyfriend & I having an intimate relationship. You see, according to Google, there is a 4 state separation between the two of us, and although I take yoga, I dont believe the easy in which sex would be accomplished would really outweigh the result.
2- Even with the high tech abilities of the internet (& mainly email with which you found your 'evidence' of a relationship) the contact ability has not advanced farther than video chatting and neither myself or your current boyfriend have these capabilities.
3- I BROKE UP WITH HIM. Needless to say, this may have been a mistake as I now see he is among the top 3 men I have ever met.
4- Please refer to number 1
5- Your current boyfriend & my conversation was a harmless joke about shopping & cooking. Although some may argue that either of these topics are, in fact, sexual, in our case they are not. Please take it as it is & see there was no harm or undercurrent to our banter.

And finally, the bottom line is there are issues within your relationship that need to be settled. Ive always been a fan of getting involved in interesting situations with couples, but those only happen in the bedroom. So unless this email is your backwards way of inviting me over for some fun time in our undies, I'll skip this threesome.

Good luck with everything,
xoxo
eM