I now stand corrected. The island of Manhattan is quite small. So small that one can leave their previous toilet firm in midtown and interview at a totally different toilet all the way downtown only to have the realization that these two firms are in fact exactly the same. So similar, that upon entering this practice I practically had to do a double take of their "file clerk" who must have been my previous practice's "file clerk's" (W's) twin brother. While I had thought I had said goodbye to W several months ago after months of seeing him walking around with his head phones on, not responding to requests because he was on a three hour lunch breaks and rapping to a song with the lyrics "if i don't get what i want to night, i am going to kill someone tonight," I ran into a version of W at shithole South.
Post interview, I quickly called Atticus Finch to tell him about my humorous interview in the hopes that we would have a little chuckle. Just for the record AF, the next time I call you and tell you that I have interviewed at a dump whose head partner has never heard of Ernest Hemingway, you should say something like "gee, better luck next time C. As a contributor to the arts you surely can not work at a firm where the head partner has never heard of Ernest Hemingway" You do not have a long pause on the telephone and then say "I am just beginning to wonder where it is you are going to work."
Anyhow, AF, I just wanted to tell you that I TOO AM WONDERING WHERE IN BLOODY HELL I AM GOING TO WORK. In fact, my entire ten minute therapy session was dedicated to thinking of places of future employment. Because I believe my readership responds particularly well to float charts, I am going to use my previous practice as a point of comparison to my aspirational practice:
At my old Practice:
-I had a file clerk who was involved in drive by shootings.
-I worked for a slew of partners who walked around with their pants falling off.
-I was sexually harassed prior to being distributed an assignment, which actually made me feel relatively good about myself.
-My opposing counsel had advertisements on the subway. I am fairly certain that their offices were also on the subway.
-I rode the Staten Island Ferry on a regular basis. So much so, that we scheduled our court appearance to take place in the lower compartment.
-A list of the best medical malpractice firms were listed in the the ABA journal. All medical malpractice firms were listed except my designated toilet.
Aspirational Practice:
-I am not asked to be my own file clerk because our hired file clerk who makes the same salary as I do can not do his job because he does not feel like it.
-The partners are capable of dressing themselves in the morning. That means, ALL BUTTONS are closed and their pants are situated above their waists.
-I am only sexually harassed by humans.
-The lawyers who appear in opposing counsel's ads on the subway are not smiling with only three teeth because someone colored in the rest of their mouths with a magic marker.
-I make court appearances at actual court houses.
-The firm is not only capable of being listed in the ABA journal, but maintains a website.
