Rejection Comes in All Shapes & Sizes

I was shocked to receive a phone call from M explaining that our family prescriber (as in M&M's therapist) was retiring, thereby forcing me to make appointments with a personal doctor if I needed a prescription. I knew this was not true because our family prescriber would have to be insane to retire when he treats a gold mine such as my parents. Additionally, if he was retiring, M would be crushed and I would have to hear from her as much as I heard from her before she commenced her novel. Regardless, it only took a few minutes for me to get to the bottom of this lie.

Just as I suspected, this was a scheme that M&M employed to force their single 27 middle aged daughter into therapy. Our family provider had no intentions of retiring and was even planning on practicing postmortem if our family still existed. When I finally called M&M out on their atrocious plan, they broke down and admitted that it was true. However, I was very lucky because my intimacy issues were about to be solved on account of their therapist providing a referral, a male psychologist.

Now, presumably my readership might be boggled with the same question that bemused this spinster: "Why, M&M, would you subject your pathetic daughter to therapy sessions with a male psychologist to talk about her intimacy issues?" Without so much as a pause, M explained that I seemingly had no problems with fooling women into liking me. For, I have plenty of female friends who are drastically out of my league in that they are all happily in relationships. HOWEVER, undoubtedly, I have not been able to fool a man into liking me. This all translates into me needing a male psychologist, of course. Perhaps if I practiced talking to a male on a regular basis and convinced him that I was likable, I could translate this into my dating activity.

OKAY, so M&M, last night I had an appointment with this wonderful referral and I wanted to inform you that I am not in fact cured. Much to my dismay, this psychologist substantiated your proposed theory; there is no way I can fool men into liking me, not even the ones I pay to like me, like me. I feel much the same way client number nine must have felt after some of his more expensive trysts; except I was none too lucky to get my full service. This in fact resembled most of my interactions with men. Why, just forty minutes in, our date was over. And after I paid him 12090876 dollars, he quickly dismissed me and told me not to speak to you people for the week as an assignment.

He did not EVEN PROPOSE.

-C