GEE, I am Curious as To Why Match.Com Has Not Solved All of My Problems.

Ladies,

I think in the blog I titled "consultant," I falied to accordingly warn you of the countless douches you will encounter on this site. I can not tell you the number of times I have received this exact message email from Screennameyouwillthankmelaterthatiamkeepingyouannonymous. However, I am going to gamble no less than ten.



Hey there,

I'm surprised that I haven't heard from you yet.

So I'm guessing that one of three things may have happened to you...

1. You're sitting in your underpants too nervous to type - who knows what could happen?


My Answer: It is three twenty in the afternoon on a Tuesday. While I am quite the nudist, I am not exactly sitting at my temping post stripped down to my underwear. However, if I were, no one would notice and I most certainly would not be in the least bit nervous.

2. You're mourning the death of disco

My Answer: I am not in fact mourning the death of disco. What I am in fact doing is mourning the fact that I have been forced to sit on this site for over a year and a half and much to my dismay, you are my most persistent suitor.

3. You've recently gotten engaged to Dr. Phil and are focused on the next 40 years lovingly staring at the bald-moustashe combo. Congrats!

My Answer: Well, if I were recently engaged to Dr. Phil, I most certainly would be in a better F*ckin position than I am now, wouldn't I? I mean, I have no health insurance and/or real job and Dr. Phil has made a killing by clearly not discriminating against members such as yourself. In essence, if I were engaged to Dr. Phil, I would most certainly forgive his "bald-moustache combo."

The Rest of this Email:
As you might remember... I'm the incredibly awesome international development investor, photographer, and part-time (and not-so-modest) goofball. I live in the Village, have the rest of my life together, and learned that persistance and humor pays off back when I was a short-round.

I mean, are you like, totally, OMG, for sure, like trying to play hard to get... ALREADY? Nice! That's soooo 1950s of you. ;)

So unless you're mourning the death of disco in your underpants snuggling with Dr. Phil, you should calm your nerves, check my profile, see if you could handle a guy like me, and drop a quick note to let me know that you're still alive.

No excuses or apologies needed because if you think like me, planning is nice but spontaneity is a virtue.