Oh, Okay Okay.....

This makes perfect sense. No actually, today I woke up and decided to blame the economy for all of my problems. Ninety-nine problems and here is one (well, here are a few actually as I am not one to pass up this opportunity to complain):

I have lost all ability to control myself around a yogurt parfait. No, seriously, I had a long discussion with E last night. If I see a yogurt parfait, I must buy it and eat the entire thing. I had two yesterday, and for shame, neither one of them were that good because of the economy.

The fact that nerve.com presumes I am a lesbian upon registration and only shows me female matches has a lot to do with the fact that since this great depression (for me at least it has been diagnosed by my therapist as a great depression even if the rest of the world is calling it a recession) has traded in all of the male i bankers for butch beasts who tell me that I am their perfect match.

Did they stop making a size 29 in jeans because of the f*ckin economy so help me god because this is my godforsaken size. It is true that I can probably fit my white ass into a size 28. However, I like my denim to ride low and show a little crack. I went to six stores this weekend in search of skinny jeans. No size 29 to be found.
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Apparently Garbage agrees with me. Most of its, and its' alumni problems, have to do with the state of the economy. A letter I received from the dean today capitalized on this point:

Dear Garbage Alumnus/a (THANK GOD THE DEAN IS NOT SEXIST):

I wrote to you several weeks ago with an update about the School. Today, I am writing to you about our current students and new graduates, and our need for your support in their efforts to gain genuine legal experience and start their careers. The recent financial crisis has affected many sectors of our economy, and the legal sector is no exception. While our law school remains in strong condition, and it is possible that we will see an increase in applications due to the weakened job market, we know that those same market conditions may create problems for many of our current students, recent graduates, and alumni.......

My response:

Dear Dean of Garbage,

I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. I am so capable of placing blame on one stimulus for all of my problems. For instance, every time I think of your litter box, I say to myself: "If M&M had not forced me to go to law school, I would not have put up such a resistance to the LSATs and failed them only to meet my fate at a worthless institution followed by a career scattered with various toilet bowels and temping stations and persistent spinsterhood despite all of my efforts."

Truth be told, before this economic crisis, I was like offered a ton of jobs at various law firms. No firm was too good for this sh*tbird. Garbage spent all of their time helping me make my next career move. I would come into servicing a career center, and Beetle Juice's wife would help me make the best decision for me. I was in an advertisement in the subway right next to one for University of Phoenix Online with a series of bullet points right next to me in my graduation gear explaining the opportunities afforded to me. I believe the increase in applications has something to do with this advertisement. Do not quote me on this.

-C da shit boogie.