Good Night Moon

I am so sick and tired of getting all motivated to do something and then taking a nap before I can accomplish whatever task I have in mind. This happens to me at least 3-5 times a day as I have managed to develop a method of taking naps at "work" where I cover my face with my left hand, open a contract folder and look like I am entering some garbage into the database.

Anyhow, in my situation, this does not necessarily just apply to tasks that some, or most people I know at least, avoid as in, let's say, going to the gym. For me, it could be the simplest thing; i.e. getting up from my bed which is practically in my kitchen to pour myself a glass of water (diet coke), getting off my couch which is practically in my bathroom to wash off my makeup from the previous evening, rolling over so I can pick off my cell phone right next to my bed which found itself there after receiving strange calls at 5 AM from God knows what mutated bachelor I met the previous Saturday. Just talking about this makes me zzzzzzz.

This has become a constant problem. I discussed my inertia with my therapist and she tried to tell me that this was a result of some childhood trauma. I tried to think of some childhood trauma that would make me so god damn lazy that I could not go to a Bar Association meeting across the street from my temping station and at least try and put on an act that I am ready willing and able to lawyer in your "office" even if it means that I am really just filing books in your library. By the by, this happened to me at my first toilet. The janitors hired me as an associate, but then just put me in the library for three months where I put away legal reference books. I mean what happened, did M&M ask me to be nice to a play date and I just could not bring myself to do it? Well yes, that did happen quite a bit, which explains my lack of friends from ages 5-26.


I guess what I would like to point out to my therapist is that my adulthood has been by and large way more traumatic than my childhood. Every day I wake up and am like "OH GOD F*CKIN DAMN IT, I AM STILL NOT SOMEONE ELSE. LET ME SLEEP UNTIL NINE AND GET TO "WORK" BY 9:15." That is why I am always sleeping. In fact, she should feel lucky that I build up enough energy to walk from my apartment to her office five blocks North.