Everything and Anything Anyone Might Be Thankful For

Anyone who knows anything, or in the alternative, anyone who knows me, knows that M&M have raised Atticus Finch (AF) and I to only celebrate one holiday a year: Thanksgiving. It is true, that even this holiday generally means, well up until recently, dinner at a restaraunt as no one cooks. Well, with the recent addition to our family, AF's wife/my sister in law (Mrs. F), M&M and their progeny now have very warm and lovely Thanksgiving dinners.

This year was no exception. I decided that it would be best if I did not show up to this holiday as the typical solo spinster and invited my gay husband A.J. This proved to be an excellent choice and there was not one single comment directed at my looks, my crassness and/or my perpetual singledom as we had company.

What shocked me the most was how knowledgeable my family is on the topic of religion given that none of us have ever expressed any knowledge or interest in the subject matter (This statement does not apply to M squared who a) would have liked his children to be raised religious but fell victim to M's demands and b) even though he is knowledgeable, he rarely speaks). This conversation was engendered by the spiritual topic of my Grandfather I's passing and subsequent cremation in 2003. No one was aware of the fact that Grandpa I's ashes have not been scattered but sit in M's closet in what she describes as something like a garbage bag with Hebrew scripture on it. M explained that when he was first cremated, she was comforted by grabbing a sweater and seeing her father sitting in the corner. Now, when he is in her way, she just pushes him aside and says "oh, I, excuse me."

The major surprise was that M was capable of enlightening her family on the difference between Christianity and Judaism specific to various views of the Messiah. I guess what is going to happen is that the Messiah is going to "fly down to Israel" and pick up all the Jews and say "come on let's go." The only Jew who will not be picked up is me of course as AF pointed out that I probably will be hit by a car on the way to heaven or something. Orthodox Jews around the world are buried with their feet facing Israel "so they can get there quicker." Well, I guess that makes perfect sense and it would be best if and when he (God willing it is a He) comes he also marries me as then M estimates that I would be some type of Queen or legend or something really good.

M also explained that after reading Joan of Arc, she was desperately afraid that God would come to her and ask her to perform some almighty task. Therefore, she slept with the light on up until leaving for college. AF asked what made her think that God would not pay her visit unless the light was off, and she responded "oh i guess you are right. you are so much smarter than me."