PUT ME DOWN

YES, that is right, I am going to be homeless. I know my readership was set on the fact that I was going to live with the lesbian, but God Damn it, it is not going to work. This has all come to a head in the past twenty four hours. Aside from the fact that I truly want to kill myself and almost projected myself out of the sixteenth floor of my office after deciding that my law firm has no business being in the neighborhood it is situated, I spent the entire afternoon looking at studios with M.

M tried to put me in a studio next to a convent and a police station presuming I would be very protected in such a location. When I refused because a) I do not want my drug addict friends not to come over because they are afraid they will be arrested and b)because, hello, are you near here? I can not live next to a convent. That being said, M was dissuaded the moment we walked in because the previous tenant was clearly a Muslim (there was Muslim peraphanelia surrounding the apartment). M asked the broker if they allowed Jews to move into the building. When I explained to M that the previous tenant has no say on who or what lives in the building, she quickly told me that this was not acceptable living conditions as it was bad karma for a Jew to live in an apartment that was previously habitated by a Muslim. As everyone knows ALL Muslims hate Jews.

Regardless, I was not set on the apartment either. However, I could tell M was preoccupied and not giving me the full scrutiny usually afforded to me when we interact alone. When I asked M what the problem was, she explained to me that she has to put Eve down (our parapalegic cat). Okay, this is the ninth time in the five years since Eve being hit by a car by M squared that M has threatened that she has to put Eve down. However, I think this time it might be for real. As apparently Eve no longer has the power to urinate. Poor thing, she probably has wanted to die for years, but M has kept her alive by way of multiple cathaters and orafaces being created for her to use to excavate her bladder. When I asked M what would make her feel better, she replied by putting me down instead.