Who Are You Calling Stupid?

I am perfectly content being rejected from firms that are comprised of an actual group of attorneys. In fact, I welcome it. When it comes to firms, I am sort of the school of thought that I would refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Consequently, when last Thursday I was extended an interview at a firm that was comprised of primarily garbage graduates, I made a mental note that this place was surely a toilet and it would take someone like me, a complete vagrant with no standards, to even consider working for such a practice. Needless to say, I felt that I would be received with open arms, almost as though the firm would ask upon my arrival "What took you so long to get here? We have been waiting for you." After all, if we are strictly talking about my Alma Matta, I am not so easily frowned upon. It is only when we are speaking about schools in tiers one-three that I really find myself in a pickle.

You can imagine my complete state of shock when I was not in fact welcomed by this practice, but in fact rudely interrogated. This Garbagish Inquisition was accompanied by rude stares by the soda can sitting at the end of the table, let alone awkward silences. While I tried to feign massive appreciation for the representation of cock roaches in class action suits against unsolicited exterminators, not one soda can even so much as noted that I not only have all my limbs, but all facial features unobstructed by strange growths as well.

Just when I thought this was too much to bear, the head soda can asked me if I would not mind drafting a writing sample in response to a sample question. When I explained this shan’t be a problem, I was told that soda can, jr. would send me a copy of the question by email within the hour. On the walk back to my temporary post, I was cursing myself out that I had agreed to do this writing sample given that I would have to be completely insane to consider accepting an offer in the event one was made to me. Regardless, after a full venting session to co-counsel (who has recently obtained permanent employment giving her companion much hope), I went to check my email expecting the arrival of this said question. And, I will have you know; five hours later I am still awaiting the arrival of the sphinx’s question indicating that not even my own brethren will give me a break. Needless to say, at the end of the day, in lieu of an unsolicited writing sample, I most certainly will be submitting this blog entry.