Leaving your house in red stretch pants with no underwear and a tank with no bra is not appropriate unless, possibly, if you live in Chelsea & are a gay man trying to get laid outside your front steps.
Living anywhere else in Manhattan & doing this is retarded... living in Soho & doing this should get you put in jail. My lapse of judgement & un-realization of what I was wearing as I left my Soho apartment this morning, ended up causing quite a stream of unhappy moments. The 1st was walking out of my front door & straight onto the set of Wesley Snipes new movie, which was quite an interruption & caused everyone to yell and scream & beg me to hurry off set. As I confusingly ran off set/my front stoop, I managed to head in the right direction towards the mailbox where I was headed. In the one block it takes to walk to drop off mail, I was screamed at by a homeless person, harassed by that guy Corky from Life Goes On, and had 2 waiters from Mezzogiorno stand outside the front door & laugh at me.
This is just the first 15 minutes of my day...
Friday, May 30, 2008
REDEMPTION!!
Kudos to you Oprah - I knew you would pull through...
Oprahs Mission Calendar Inspiration:
No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
Oprahs Mission Calendar Inspiration:
No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
—Dale E. Turner
Thursday, May 29, 2008
You're obviously smoking too much Pot Matthew Fox
Oprah's Daily Mission Calendar Inspiration:
There is no end to the beauty for the person who is aware. Even the cracks between the sidewalk contain geometric patterns of amazing beauty.
-Matthew Fox
There is no end to the beauty for the person who is aware. Even the cracks between the sidewalk contain geometric patterns of amazing beauty.
-Matthew Fox
Girl Crush (Official)
It is no surprise that my dating life circa NYC move has been less than successful & I have unofficially removed myself from any serious form of dating all together. Having said that, I'd like to announce my most recent crush & love, which ironically feels about as real as anything I've felt since moving to New York...
Teddy
It has come to my attention that something good can not happen to me without something bad also happening to me. I do not care that others have told me that this is directly related to some false notions I have about the world conspiring against me because these notions are not false if it is true. It is true that I have had some ups and downs these past two weeks, but these downs have all been made up for by the fact that I have been offered employment.
However, directly after receiving an offer, I have been experiencing symptoms that I have self diagnosed as being an ulcer. I am okay with this, except for the fact that my college reunion is this weekend and I am not exactly considering curbing my drinking/smoking cigarettes and/or other substance intake in the immediate future. My readership might be aware of this, but M&M combined have about seventy prescriptions. This variety includes ones to moderate their craziness, but one of these prescriptions I am well aware of is to moderate M's ability to drink seven lattes a day as her meals and take her various drugs to control her "pain" and "neurosis." This drug is prevacid. Some of you might also be aware of the fact that because I grew up in a "medical" household, I consider myself perfectly capable of making some sound medical decisions and know that the drug I need is in fact prevacid to moderate my symptoms.
Fine, so I took it upon myself to call M&M and tell them my problem. M&M have never been ones to resist giving their children necessary drugs. All throughout college and law school Atticus Finch and I were adequately supplied with drugs to increase our attention and performance on academic endeavors. So I really did not think that asking for something to ease my digestive track should be treated as though I was asking for crack. However, I should have known that the moment they heard I was going to my college reunion; they would revoke their offer as I failed to meet my husband the four years I spent on campus. Therefore, it seems unlikely that a return to this misery for a weekend will bring me such luck. Furthermore, they could not believe that anyone but complete spinster losers were returning and presumed that Dipshit (recently married friend) was not going because why would she? Ultimately, they demanded that I go see Teddy (our seventy five year old cousin who also happens to be a GI specialist) to get the prescription. Obviously, I must go to Teddy where I can be treated for free because no self-respecting physician takes the welfare insurance I pay four hundred dollars a month for.
While I appreciate M&M's thinly veiled earnest suggestion, my major gripe is that Teddy treats primarily eighty year old orthodox Jews in the projects. I know this because two weeks ago I went to go see Teddy for my tonsillitis and was stuck in the waiting room between two wheel chaired geriatrics yelling in Yiddish only interrupted by quick naps. The truth is, Atticus Finch and I can go see Teddy provided that our complaints have nothing to do with his specialty; Gastroenterology. Because if your gripe, as is the case with mine, has anything to do with a digestive problem Teddy tries to guilt you into getting a colonoscopy after telling you that you are an alcoholic. While M&M think this is perfectly acceptable, I have tried to explain to them that my other friends who are in their twenties and have had similar complaints have never been treated so aggressively. Teddy is not wrong per se, for when one of his usual ninety five yr. old patients complains about let us say heart burn, their heart is most likely about to give out.
Here is my major concern, because I refused to undergo Teddy's battery of tests the last time I consulted him on some similar digestive related matter, I believe that his distribution of the prevacid is contingent upon these tests. I will have to report back, but in the event this is true, I am going to tell M&M that my reading of M's revised novel is contingent upon M undergoing these tests for me. No one will notice.
However, directly after receiving an offer, I have been experiencing symptoms that I have self diagnosed as being an ulcer. I am okay with this, except for the fact that my college reunion is this weekend and I am not exactly considering curbing my drinking/smoking cigarettes and/or other substance intake in the immediate future. My readership might be aware of this, but M&M combined have about seventy prescriptions. This variety includes ones to moderate their craziness, but one of these prescriptions I am well aware of is to moderate M's ability to drink seven lattes a day as her meals and take her various drugs to control her "pain" and "neurosis." This drug is prevacid. Some of you might also be aware of the fact that because I grew up in a "medical" household, I consider myself perfectly capable of making some sound medical decisions and know that the drug I need is in fact prevacid to moderate my symptoms.
Fine, so I took it upon myself to call M&M and tell them my problem. M&M have never been ones to resist giving their children necessary drugs. All throughout college and law school Atticus Finch and I were adequately supplied with drugs to increase our attention and performance on academic endeavors. So I really did not think that asking for something to ease my digestive track should be treated as though I was asking for crack. However, I should have known that the moment they heard I was going to my college reunion; they would revoke their offer as I failed to meet my husband the four years I spent on campus. Therefore, it seems unlikely that a return to this misery for a weekend will bring me such luck. Furthermore, they could not believe that anyone but complete spinster losers were returning and presumed that Dipshit (recently married friend) was not going because why would she? Ultimately, they demanded that I go see Teddy (our seventy five year old cousin who also happens to be a GI specialist) to get the prescription. Obviously, I must go to Teddy where I can be treated for free because no self-respecting physician takes the welfare insurance I pay four hundred dollars a month for.
While I appreciate M&M's thinly veiled earnest suggestion, my major gripe is that Teddy treats primarily eighty year old orthodox Jews in the projects. I know this because two weeks ago I went to go see Teddy for my tonsillitis and was stuck in the waiting room between two wheel chaired geriatrics yelling in Yiddish only interrupted by quick naps. The truth is, Atticus Finch and I can go see Teddy provided that our complaints have nothing to do with his specialty; Gastroenterology. Because if your gripe, as is the case with mine, has anything to do with a digestive problem Teddy tries to guilt you into getting a colonoscopy after telling you that you are an alcoholic. While M&M think this is perfectly acceptable, I have tried to explain to them that my other friends who are in their twenties and have had similar complaints have never been treated so aggressively. Teddy is not wrong per se, for when one of his usual ninety five yr. old patients complains about let us say heart burn, their heart is most likely about to give out.
Here is my major concern, because I refused to undergo Teddy's battery of tests the last time I consulted him on some similar digestive related matter, I believe that his distribution of the prevacid is contingent upon these tests. I will have to report back, but in the event this is true, I am going to tell M&M that my reading of M's revised novel is contingent upon M undergoing these tests for me. No one will notice.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Does Anyone Hear Me?
Three weeks ago M&M told me not to contact them unless I have "good news." I should have asked them to qualify what they meant by "good news." Because quite frankly I thought receiving an invitation to use a degree that they manipulated me into getting was at least sort of good news. It is true, that I am not exactly thrilled about the prospect of this either, but bitter sweet aside, they should be proud that their daughter was capable of fooling said establishment into believing that she really wanted to lawyer.
M&M were not remotely phased by this announcement. In fact, I think they were offended. It is true that we have had back and forth about my next career move. In fact, when a 22 yr. old co-temp got a job as a legal assistant at cravath, M&M thought this would be a good career move for me because then at least I would be presented with the prospect of meeting a cravath lawyer and ultimately getting married. When I tried to explain to them that this would essentially mean career suicide for me, they tried to explain to me that at age thirty I most likely would commit suicide if I was still single. Ultimately, career suicide is better than plain suicide.
Regardless, I should have known that M&M would not be thrilled about the prospect of me lawyering. For one thing, M&M were semi excited about the literary agency position. When I explained to them I see no reason why I can not still be an agent part time, they were semi relieved as they suspect that I will be able to publish M's tragic novel. More than that, however, they reinforced that when they said they wanted to hear only "good news" they meant they wanted to hear that I was engaged to be married. However, they did think it was quite possible that I would meet my husband at a deposition as they have heard of this happening. So, it is sorta good news.
M&M were not remotely phased by this announcement. In fact, I think they were offended. It is true that we have had back and forth about my next career move. In fact, when a 22 yr. old co-temp got a job as a legal assistant at cravath, M&M thought this would be a good career move for me because then at least I would be presented with the prospect of meeting a cravath lawyer and ultimately getting married. When I tried to explain to them that this would essentially mean career suicide for me, they tried to explain to me that at age thirty I most likely would commit suicide if I was still single. Ultimately, career suicide is better than plain suicide.
Regardless, I should have known that M&M would not be thrilled about the prospect of me lawyering. For one thing, M&M were semi excited about the literary agency position. When I explained to them I see no reason why I can not still be an agent part time, they were semi relieved as they suspect that I will be able to publish M's tragic novel. More than that, however, they reinforced that when they said they wanted to hear only "good news" they meant they wanted to hear that I was engaged to be married. However, they did think it was quite possible that I would meet my husband at a deposition as they have heard of this happening. So, it is sorta good news.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
It makes no Difference
Today, I have formally accepted a job at a law firm. My readership might be worried that this will somehow distract from my blogging. However, may I remind you that most of my blogging has been inspired by this field. In fact, if anything, because I am about to re-immerse myself in the culture, I anticipate a series of blogs that are based on my interactions with my clientele.
One might wonder, C, what would inspire you to take on a legal job? Well, kids, it took a lot. The most important reason is that the firm is down the block from my apartment. Because I will be making approximately a dollar a day, I can not afford transportation. The other reason is that I noticed the head partner had a bottle of Whiskey, a bottle of Bacardi and a bottle of Vodka in his office with shot glasses. This made me feel right at home. However, the major reason this job is amazing is because one of the lawyers who interviewed me today relayed to me the following information: There was another candidate under serious consideration who had graduated from a legitimate institution. Because I have not, I had to convince her why I was worthy. This was close to impossible, but I fooled her.
Some of my readers have contacted me today and told me I no longer can claim that I am less than successful. What I would like to make clear to those of you who have suggested this much is that while I may no longer be a temp, I most certainly remain truly unsuccessful. As by taking a position as an attorney, I will be making less money than I did as a temp. So there, I remain truly yours and entirely unsuccessful.
One might wonder, C, what would inspire you to take on a legal job? Well, kids, it took a lot. The most important reason is that the firm is down the block from my apartment. Because I will be making approximately a dollar a day, I can not afford transportation. The other reason is that I noticed the head partner had a bottle of Whiskey, a bottle of Bacardi and a bottle of Vodka in his office with shot glasses. This made me feel right at home. However, the major reason this job is amazing is because one of the lawyers who interviewed me today relayed to me the following information: There was another candidate under serious consideration who had graduated from a legitimate institution. Because I have not, I had to convince her why I was worthy. This was close to impossible, but I fooled her.
Some of my readers have contacted me today and told me I no longer can claim that I am less than successful. What I would like to make clear to those of you who have suggested this much is that while I may no longer be a temp, I most certainly remain truly unsuccessful. As by taking a position as an attorney, I will be making less money than I did as a temp. So there, I remain truly yours and entirely unsuccessful.
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