Caitlin, I Hate You

My apologies to my readership, this past week I was afflicted by the flu. Do not worry, during this period, I was not compensated by my temping station and while I saw Jesus several times during this period, I did not see a penny.

During this period, I got the opportunity to catch up on television that I categorically will never watch. There are few televised programs that I feel like I am too good for, whether it be Brett Micheals Rock of Love Tour Bus or the 45246246346 season of The Bachelor, it is on (my tv) like donkey kong. There is one show, however, which is not even the worst of trashy tv, that I simply have no appetite for. It is true that I should thank my lucky stars everyday that this show came into existence. For, without it, we might be without Reality TV. And, if that was true, where would I be?

Anyhow, while I realize there are many faithful viewers of The Real World and my interests do not diverge from this viewership (regardless of their age), I simply can not watch a whole season of this retardation. Every time I turn on this sh*t, I nearly have a seizure because these twenty somethings are so god damn dumb. This week, while doped up on Nyquil, I did not find one of their stupid stories remotely compelling. Nope, not even Sarah the molested one.

It is not enough that this season Devon has created a barometer to gauge her "closeness" with some other thing on the show that she is sexually attracted to, but the fact that Ryan has a) written a book and b) has written a song about tampons truly makes me want to hide for fear that I might turn it on again. However, what I found the most offensive is really not The Real World's fault, but my own. Look, I am no stranger to trannies. I encounter them all the G*d Damn time and while I presume most of them have not had a sex change, perhaps some of them have. I do not give a damn. While I have surmised that quite a few that run various makeup stations are more attractive than me, I do not think many of them are more attractive than the real thing. AND, furthermore, I am not so close minded to believe that my opinions are truth, but I believe the general population, would agree with me that the average looking trannie is not as good looking as the average looking female.

Caitlin, this season, truly blows my mind. I ADMIT, sometimes in my flu induced delirium in conjunction with my spotting of Jesus, I found Caitlin passable especially when she revealed that she had manufactured inverted penis now vagina to the gay dude at that awful restaurant Elmo's. That being said, there is no god damn reason that Caitlin is prancing around town with not one, but two boyfriends. Furthermore, the boyfriend she found while taping is kinda good looking. I am sitting here, the real deal, and I am going to give myself some credit and venture to say that I am more attractive than her/him/it completely single. I thought about it and I THOUGHT ABOUT IT and decided that this guy just knows s/he is on The Real World and agreed to go on a date with her to get some of his own air time. With this in mind, I have decided to hire a full camera crew for no purpose at all, there will be no airing of this "show" (though I have been told I am made for reality TV), until I am bloody married. Cameras will follow me everywhere until some semi fame crazed fool agrees to be my boyfriend. YEs, just the type I like.