OH LOOK AT YOU

Sometimes, for sh*ts and giggles, I visit Garbage's website to see all the ongoing developments taking place in my favorite legal community. Today, I was proud to learn the following:

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Garbage scored its highest bar pass rate in the Law School’s history, with 93.6 percent of first-time test takers passing the exam, exceeding the New York State average of 91 percent. This places the Law School in the top five of all law schools in New York State.

“I congratulate our students; they worked hard, studied hard, and followed through on all the things they needed to do to be successful,” Garbage Dean. “This is a point of pride for the entire Garbage community.”

Almost 10 years ago the Law School’s pass rate was at 58 percent until it rose to 72 percent and held steady at that percentage from 2000 to 2005. In 2006, the pass rate took a major jump with 84 percent of first-time test takers passing the exam, bypassing the state’s pass rate of 79 percent. Last year, the bar pass rate was 90 percent, placing the Law School in the top five of all law schools in the state and exceeding the state average of 88 percent.

A major factor in the increase of the Law School’s bar pass rate is a program instituted in 2003 called the Comprehensive Curriculum Program (CCP). CCP targets students who perform in the bottom quarter of their class after their first year, and requires them to take intense courses that help them finish law school much stronger than they started. The first cohort of CCP took the bar in 2006, increasing the Law School’s bar pass rate by 12 percent.

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WHOA, COME AGAIN!@@@@@!!!!! I am fairly certain that after concentrating Garbage's entire efforts on doing all of the steps necessary to ensure that its students pass the bar short of having the dean himself sit for the bloody exam for each and every student, this is no claim to fame. Well, obviously Garbage is famous because I have made it so, but it is no claim to being one of the top law schools in New York.

Two of the most outstanding law schools in the nation are located in New York. While I am not sure what their passing rates are, I am quite sure that their students' failure to pass the bar has everything to do with their schools' failure to insist that they do so. Some soda cans might be under the false impression that the reason they are essentially forced to pass the test has much to do with Garbage's belief that passing this exam is directly related to alumni donations, approval ratings, febreeze and exterminators supply. I understand why the standard cock roach might operate under this impression while in school, but post graduation all four-eight legged creatures learn that they will never be able to, well, give back to their beloved institution because of their capped salaries at $40k.

The reason Garbigities are forced to pass a test which has no bearing on intelligence, caliber and/or competence is because this is the best thing that will ever happen to a Garbigite. Their so called "success" is only measured by this exam, as well, what else could it be measured by??? My suggestion to fellow Garbigites is to delay taking the God Damn thing as to experience the twenty four hours of false elation post passing when you realize you have no chance of ever being successful, but can say to yourself "YES, I PASSED A BAR TO GO WORK AS A BUS BOY IN A BAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anyhow, Garbage has a point. Ten years ago, only about 60& of Garbage's students passed the New York State Bar. It is a good thing that the institution has gotten its act together. Breaking news, I just got a call from Columbia Law School and they would like to point out to Garbage that their passing rate this year was at 95.6%. Take that Garbage and all of your students' success.