Legal Eagle Pumpkin Eater

Before I explain my absence, I would like to explain M squared's absence. OH f*ck, that's the problem, he has not been absent at all. No, he is just as prevalent as ever speaking for M as though she is in a vegetative state unable to come to the phone. This has become ever so much more problematic since I have commenced this position. For one thing, they call me constantly making sure I am still alive knowing full well that being, well, anything, is not my cup of tea. For another, they need to know how many Jews I work with and if they are available. I digress, the problem is M squared. As you recall, I got in an argument with these people who allege to have made me, I doubt it, because they demanded I marry a sixty year old man as if so many are bloody single. This conversation has resurfaced its ugly little head as of last weekend. Right when I was about to get off the phone, M squared insisted "Fine, marry a 14 yr. old boy. We do not care. Just settle down. It is legal in Tennessee."

Now, I am no great lawyer as indicated by my past two weeks performance, but I know enough to tell everyone that marrying someone and/or doing anything with someone who is 14 when you are 232333343203708 yrs. old is illegal. I watched Notes on a Scandal and it did not end well. It is true, on occasion, and I AM NOT PROUD OF IT, I have checked out high school seniors. This is not cool, but I live right near a high school and sometimes it happens. However, barring the fact that I would be subject to arrest, I would lose my license to practice which M&M fought so hard for me to obtain.

Anyhow, the reason I have been absent readership is because my gig does not allow much access to the Internet. I am too nervous to blog about it because well that could jinx the position and I could end up right back where I started, oh wait, I have. Never mind. My real problem is that I can not read celebrity gossip forcing me to read actual news. Those of you who know me, know that I get my news from listening to other people talk about it. Regardless, one article struck me as particularly delicious on CNN.com this morning. It was the Special Olympics speaking out against everyone calling them "retards." Apparently, there is some political agenda where advocates compare being called "retarded" to being called the bad word for Jews, Black People and Asians. I, for one, am totally f&cked if now the word "retard" = "bad word for black people."

I looked at who was promulgating this agenda, and it is my law school class. Okay, I will be quiet from now on.