When I cry, I am God Forsaken Busted

I just finished watching the Hills and as much as I think none of these girls are anything to write home about, I can not help but notice that when these bitches cry, they cry black tears and look prettier than I do. ever. Even when I have just freshly applied six layers of whatever mascara LC said I need to wear in order to look just like her, I am still uglier than that bitch when she is having a tsunami coming out of her eye balls.

I am so sick and tired of turning on this stupid show, losing twenty brain cells and then wondering how I can look more like them. The problem is that if I were to make an appearance on the show, LC would not only put me in the extra house for Audrina, she would put me in a god damn kitty litter box as a) I would be like their not so cool older friend b) my breasts combined are about the same size as one of Heidi's and c) I am so freakin pale and not blonde it is frightening.

However the major problem is that when I cry, I am mother f&ckin busted. It is true, I have always imagined that I can woo some boy by shedding some tears and even using some of LC's lines like "gee, I thought we were friends and I am so sick and tired of having friends who don't like me." However, after whatever eligible bachelor leaves, I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror and realize I look nothing like LC when I cry. I look more like a swamp creature than anything. There is no makeup that can resolve that problem.