WELL DEAR GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH

I am sorry. No really, I am f*ckin sorry. However, I have been waiting on a job and I felt as though it would be bad karma to blog about being pathetic when in fact I have been told that I should feel confident until I hear otherwise. Congrats to my bloody self, I got it with a little help from my friends. Perhaps this time it will stick.

Speaking of sticking, I am curious as to whether or not my readership is aware of the fact that this will be the fifth job I am taking in three years. Sure, it is the first real job that has been offered to me, but it is technically my fifth offer. E did the math for me so I know it is correct. However, she is so bloody supportive that she said she will treat this one as my first one and we are starting on a clean slate.

You know who is not so supportive, probably M. No, it's not that she was not happy for me because she is, but when I explained that my year is going to take a drastic change she got particularly concerned that I would not have time to meet a husband. I pointed out that for the past three years I have had all the time in the world to meet a husband and it has not in fact happened. In fact, I find the more time I have, the less likely I am to be marrying. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY??? I do not wash my hair when I have time to be drinking in excess. Every day I wake up thinking I am going to wash my hair and then see that new thing that is like baby powder that you can spray and opt for that alternative. I mean, I think it does the trick, but really have no idea how greasy my hair is due to a very specifc neuoris of mine. You know how Tobias from Arrested Development is a never nude? I am a never profile/back and only ever view myself from the front. The back of my hair is quite greasy serving as a deterrent to husbands. Anyhow, when M asked me what I was going to do to celebrate, I invoked the metaphor as to how people are not nearly as excited for your accomplishment when, let's say, you get married for the third time. Sure, my people are happy, but I am not going to over burden them with a celebration as we have done it like forty million times just for such an occassion. M's reply, "well, you have not been married three times. you have not even been married once. Maybe your people are just sick of you not being married." So unrelated.